Sanity Saturday : I still have my SANITY

I was so hoping that I could blog on a schedule... the ideas were really flowing the first week and I still did have content for meditation monday, but.. you know... life was throwing me a curveball and I was getting mad frustrated with the lack of control that I had over the events of this week.  I was also hoping to not have to blog on the weekends, but frankly, I feel like I would lose my mind if I didnt get up at 1am to write this post, so weekend blog entries should not surprise you in the future :)

My birthday was this week. I was really assuming hoping that my hubby would take the baby and allow me to have the day to myself. Its a key birthday age for me, in particular since I just had a baby and I was starting to feel like I had not accomplished all the things I said I would do in my twenties by the time I hit this special milestone age and/ or became a mom.  I had planned to be in Chicago, booked an appointment at a spa, and would go see Eat, Pray, Love at the theatre. Buy myself a big load of popcorn and sit there, cry, laugh and see myself in some section of the movie.  Take a walk, smell some flowers, think about life while meditating under a tree. The backup plan was to do a yoga retreat- find some little studio that had a workshop or something and do at least 2 classes in one day -- a morning class and an afternoon one.. or something exercise-related to that effect.

You have probably figured out at this point that my birthday did not go according to my dreams, wishes, or plans. Hubby had to drive to another city to take care of some things with our rental property and that ended up being a big sinkhole of  "mad"-ness -- just recently had to evict friends from our rental; they left the place in shambles, not to mention that we received a nuisance notice about the trash that they did not properly dispose of; oh, and of course, I forgot that 2 windows were broken (possibly a theft attempt) and our central air conditioning unit (secured to a slab of concrete) was STOLEN..And due to recent rain/flooding there is potential MOLD in the basement of the rental..

So what should have been a checkup became a ten-hour  workday; file police report, insurance claim, board up windows, get locks changed, clear the trash..  So Hubby was very tired when he got home.. everything was pushed back a day because he didnt get enough sleep, and of course he's doing the driving. Now baby is sniffling and has a runny nose, very irritable throughout the day, and refuses to eat anything other than fruit, milk, oatmeal, and crackers. it could be that he was overtired/teething/running a fever/just plain stubborn, but it wouldn't be life if that was clear, now would it?  So I just woke up for the 4th time since 9pm to clear baby's nose, feed him some milk (which he actually didnt want) and change his diaper. Seems calm now, but we'll see when an hour passes if that will hold up.

Meanwhile, hubby is exhausted and fast asleep and I am fuming and restless because "this is how I spent my birthday".... 

I know there is a God, because immediately after I had this crazy thought (among others) of just running away going for a drive in the middle of the night to see a 1am showing of some movie.... ANY movie..
the meditation emerged: You still have your sanity. A small percentage of people would have seen this as the straw that broke the camel's back in a haystack of life stressors and perhaps killed themselves, their families, or other bystanders that happened to be in the wrong place (nearby) at the wrong time. 

So I'm telling you, as someone who thought she would have (and can still have) a highly successful home business and academic career, stable and balanced home life, happy marriage, calm and intelligent baby, effective support circle, reliable friends and girlfriends, and still be foxy and together in her thirties... If you still have your sanity, there is hope. If you don't have your sanity right now, there still is hope.

William Dement (Newsweek, 1959) said that "Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives".  So some level of insanity is important in the creation of new ideas, inventions, and modifications to our current way of life. I am not completely bashing the idea of being "unconventional, radical or forward-thinking". I am talking about feeling the need to remove myself from the reality of life. The scary part is if one allows this to happen, would they know when its okay to come back to reality - or even know the way back?  I've probably been philosophizing about this for a little too long, but anyway, my purpose was to encourage you to:

Live in the present, despite your circumstances and current limitations. There are experiences that must be acquired in these moments that will support and nourish you when even worse stressors come. Take a breath, close your eyes, and think of the most calming and serene place you can imagine or remember. Go there for a moment and know that it is okay to take a pause. You are still blessed and needed by many. I know that there are moments when you feel empty and that there is nothing to give.  Use that moment to speak up for yourself and your sanity. It is important for you to be replenished and nourished. Not only do you deserve it, but the world would be a much better place if you received it.  The reality is that everyone has moments like these. And how you handle them is what will help propel your towards your dreams, or away from them.  With faith, hope and sanity, you CAN do and be what you desire to be in this world. 
Be encouraged by your strengths and motivated to change through your weaknesses. 



With a hug and a smile,
Lina

Blog Housekeeping... Eat, Pray, Love

Hi Readers!
Just a quick note to let you guys know that I am updating some of the features on the blog so that you can comment, send links to friends, etc.  I plan to post on Saturday to make up for today's absence. I hope you all have had a great week. Anyone planning to go see Eat, Pray, Love? Hoping to catch it this weekend solo or with a few girl buddies.

Many blessings to you! Have a joyful weekend!

Lina

Therapy Thursday: Moving Forward Depsite the Chaos

This a special day for me to post, one because I had been grappling with what content to submit today - Therapy Thursday for problem-solving suggestions, or Thoughtful Thursday to add another affirmation. Given yesterday's events, I think I plan to do both. Look for another post later today that will empower and motivate you!! Thanks to all my new followers *waving* You guys are so wonderful! I hope that whomever comes across today's post can give me some constructive and loving criticism of an experience I am having.


Well, I have a friend, we'll call her Eve (no this is NOT a Mother Nature/ biological post, its actually about a person, lol) and she has been through quite a bit emotionally and mentally over the past few years. I don't want to get too specific, but basically here is the fast and furious of it all:

Eve meets guy
Eve falls in love, guy moves in
Eve finds out guy is a cheater, liar, player, etc.
Eve stays with guy until getting strength to leave
Way out - acceptance to grad school in another state
Eve moves from friends/broken relationship to other state for school
Eve comes to new city/state, is mugged, loses vital documents
Eve is a little down, invited to a church service and is moved to pursue goals
Eve befriends a group, at church is offered a ride to her living space in town (here's where I come in)

As I drive her home, its clear that there is a lot going on that she is attempting to leave behind. On one hand, she is very emotionally hurt about the relationship; on the other hand, she sees the blessings that are happening to help her get over the situation and move her forward.

Let's fast forward one year. Eve just started grad school and is enjoying it very much. She becomes involved with a variety of community groups - largely Christian organizations in the city, and seems to have found her niche for helping others (from what I can tell of my visits and conversations with her). In an abrupt move, She confides to me what she believes to be a revelation - the divine has told her to drop out of the grad school program she is in and to pursue a mission of helping others. No specific organization, group, program..

Just helping others as they come into contact with her. I have heard things like this before from friends and it doesn't surprise me, but I was concerned because before this decision she mentioned that she was not having enough time studying due to all the prayer events and special meetings she was attending with all these local churches.. She was also having some financial issues that were not being resolved even with support from her grad program.

Let's fast forward another year. I am pregnant at this time, but still trying to be somewhat available for her. She has already decided to leave her grad program, but did not necessarily make the proper preparations: Doing poorly the first semester put her on academic probation, and she was enrolled in semester 2 but not going to classes. After several strange incidents - a falling out of friends at a prayer group she used to attend, she begins to show some signs of mental distress --- feelings that people are talking/gossiping about her, stalking her, watching her every move. following her home..... She begins to call me more frequently, asking for prayer, words of encouragement, scripture, etc. It comes to a point where instead of leaving school on her own terms, she has to file a leave of absence due to medical reasons (instability). She had a falling out with the roommate, the roommate left and she was responsible for housing fees - but she is now no longer enrolled and so the work-study job was neglected - her hours were reduced, which left her no choice but to move out (or face eviction), pack/give away things and seek other living space.

Fast forward 6-9 months. I have my beautiful son :) I am still somewhat present with Eve through all this, while juggling my own grad school work, baby, hubby, you know the usual...
Eve decides its best to move back to her previous city, because she cannot find work, she no longer feels support from the church organizations she frequented, except for a few places, where she thinks she is being exploited for her skills and abilities. Its a chaotic move, due to the financial unsteadiness and the feelings of abandonment by others whom she thought were her friends. She sells much of her items, gives away many more things, and moves away. We keep in touch via phone, but I dont hear from her for 3 months or so.

The therapy issue is this -- she has basically moved back into the bad history that she once fled from. Although the love interest is gone, the old friends and acquaintances are still there and gossip is spreading about why she is back and her financial and mental state...etc. These things are getting to her, because she is basically starting over and many of the same gossipy friends are the ones that are helping her with housing, storage, and transportation. Instead of seeking a new support circle, she begins to rely on a select few, and I think slowly burns them out ..... she believes still that God has moved her there and that she has a mission, but now the revelation is unclear - muddled with stressors from the past and now a new ones that she didn't have to worry about before.

Throughout all this, I am encouraging her to seek additional help to bring some clarity to her situation, as well as find a steady job, stable housing, and try to start separating herself from the old brood of negative people she once met, so that she can gain a new level of independence in a familiar place. I feel that now I may have created an unhealthy level of dependence on me.

At one point, she was calling me daily, leaving me messages and saying they were urgent and that she was in a bind - financially, spiritually, etc. However, when I would call Eve back, she chatted incessantly about the relationship she had 3 yrs ago, and the people who "did her wrong" in her home city. She seems to have lost the drive to move forward. A few months ago, she came to visit. It was not pretty. I let her stay overnight at my place. We gave her money for food, gas and asked if she needed anything else. She flatly refused, but I felt like (and still do today) feel that there is something else going on that is diminishing her energy.

She recently came into town. She drove to my home several times and did not see my car, and left a message wanting to stay overnight. She came by yesterday morning ( I was at work) and requested hubby give her the home phone and his cell # to reach me. Hubby is now concerned that this friend is more in need than we think and now that we have the baby it is very hard to accommodate her. When I finally talk to her, I feel like I am having the same conversation I had with her months ago. I ask about her plans, her dreams, her goals. I ask if she has any help -- if she has gotten guidance on whether to move back to my city or stay where she is. I ask her about her attempts to work and/or exchange services to the people with whom she has been staying in her home city. Every response starts with " I dont know" or " I m not sure whats going on"... Its starting to be a mental drain on me and my time (i'm at work and hubby sends me a text - you need to call Eve - she keeps calling the house and Kem is trying to sleep)

My best friend, who is also a physician, thinks that Eve is in need of mental health support (to which i am starting to agree) and shows me some small but significant signs that Eve is showing some tendencies that I need to be careful of -- things that may make her unsafe to be around, especially with a small child. She thinks that I need to sever ties as soon as possible. I feel like Eve still needs a friend, but now all Eve seems to do is vent, ask for prayer, and wait. There seems to no longer be any action behind her words. I am mentally drained because I don't have any other way of encouragement or physical resources to help her, and I feel that maybe its starting to "rub off" -- after our hour-long conversations I am in no mood to do anything for at least 20-30 minutes. I am starting to feel stagnant myself.

Any suggestions on how to talk to her? I am planning to meet her today at a neutral, public location to chat but I am not used to burning bridges. I want to protect my family and I don't want this relationship to escalate to something else - i.e. stalking...

She needs help, but I just don't know how to help her anymore. The floor is open. I know some of you are great at finding the right words to say. I think I'm too close to the situation to have any good ideas. Have you been in Eve's shoes? How did you get through? What did your friend(s) do, if anything?

I'm all ears and laying out in the chair!! Chat with me - I need some therapy here :)

Receptive and listening,
Lina

Wellness Wednesday - Dance your %#*! Away

I am really enjoying posting entries you guys! I can see how this can be both addictive and cathartic! The joy is being released, slowly but surely, and I love that I can share things with you all this way!

Wellness Wednesday will alternate with Wisdom Wednesday. One week will focus on a health element and the other will be a Q&A session-- so feel free to send in any questions you may have.. Hey I'm not saying I know everything, but I am darn good at doing research! I am a certified personal trainer and fitness instructor, and my masters degree is in exercise science, so chances are, your question is one that I have likely heard before :)



Today's Wellness Wednesday is about one of my FAVORITE physical activities - DANCE. I have loved to dance since the dawn of time... well as long as I can remember. I used to watch Soul train and music videos and learn the routines of many R&B singers, especially Janet Jackson, Paula Abdul, Shanice Wilson, and a few other singers who tended to have great backup dancers. My sister and I would tape as many videos as we could and dance in front of the TV, copying all the moves. I was really good, I tell ya!

With all the the extra curricular activities I did in school, I never actually took a formal dance class until my freshman year in college, when I registered for a ballet class. I really enjoyed the control and precision of the exercise, although very different from R&B music videos. I also noticed how much strength ballerinas require to do the many turns, lifts, tendus and jetes' that I see on those ballet opera performances -- KUDOS!

Now that the baby is past 1 year and successfully weaned, I want my dancer's body back! I took an African dance intensive approximately 3 months before I knew I was pregnant and it kicked my butt, but I loved every second! I used to bring a whole entire change of clothes (undergarments included) because we would sweat buckets! Although that option is no longer available, I have a few wish list ideas that I plan to spring into action soon!

1) Rent or purchase a dance DVD - I currently have the Lester Horton technique series, which is excellent, if you enjoy the dance program of modern and contemporary styles (think Alvin Ailey, Dance Theater of Harlem). I also just recently ordered "rockin body" by Shaun T (of Hip Hop Abs fame) and I did a short section at a friend's house last week - I was breathing hard within the first 10 minutes .. I am an out of shape trainer, so cut me some slack, ok?

2) Dance in your Living Room/ Basement/Bedroom -- put on your favorite mix CD, DVD of songs or videos and dance your $%#* off! Just make sure you stay PG-13 if you have kids around, okay? Don't look at yourself in a mirror -- just close your eyes and go for what you know! Put the delicate items away so you don't break anything - except for some sweat, lol!


3) Be inspired by performance -- check out your local arts activity guide. There are likely many professional and amateur dance companies in your area that have seasonal performances, recitals, dance classes, and even summer classes if that is an option. I prefer live dance classes over DVDs just because of the group dynamic -- meeting other people sweating and expressing themselves with you can be very motivating. But there are times I dont want to be in that setting, and DVDs work just fine. Whenever I see a live performance of any dance genre it always inspires me to go work out! And of course you can't help but tap your feet, clap or nod your head with the music.


Some links:

http://www.alvinailey.org/about/history - If you haven't seen Alvin Ailey Dance Company perform, you REALLY NEED TO! Regardless of your dance preference, they are in a class of their own. You can find some excerpts of their work on Youtube. I especially like "Wade in the Water" " Sinner Man", and "Witness".


If you like DVDs, you can check out a number of great ones on ebay, and you can even see excerpts of some dance/fitness videos on www.collagevideo.com.

If you are in the IL or NY area, there are probably almost 100 dance companies to check out! If you like to visit shows, check you your local theatre facilities, universities, community spaces, or off/on Broadway. I wish I could have seen the musical on Fele' Kuti, but I'm not local.

This Chicago dance company however, is phenomenal and taking a class or being in their summer intensive is definitely on my wish list. They have excerpts of their work on youtube as well. http://deeplyrootedproductions.org/


So tell me, on a scale of 1 to 5, ( 5 being dance is my middle name, lol)
How much do you like to dance?
Is there a particular style of dance that you like?
Any style you wish you could learn?

Hey, if you're alone right now, and have the opportunity to dance, WORK IT OUT!

Movin' and groovin',
Lina

Touch-it Tuesday: Knitcircus Magazine

As I developed the first blog post, I became very excited about the other posts I could create. Its amazing once you get started on something you were very fearful and nervous about, how much more God imparts to you in order to continue moving forward. It is such a grounding and peaceful feeling. Needless to say after the first post, I slept so much better!

So Tuesdays I plan to focus on various crafts. I consider anything creatively done with my hands to be a craft -- Hairstyling included :) So if you plan to follow me from fotkiland, the hair updates, DIY recipes, etc. will be on Tuesdays.

This Tuesday I am especially honored because my little "joy muffin" Kem and I did some modeling for Knitcircus magazine - its a great magazine with knitting patterns, articles, and even additional crafting (sewing patterns and cooking recipes). I was looking on ravelry a few months ago while updating my profile (SO many unfinished projects, so little time!) and they were looking for models -- i thought, "well, why not?" I met the editor and photographers, and they took pics of us modeling various pieces in a beautiful park in downtown Madison. I had so much fun, and so did Kem!

The issue was just released last week, and my little sweetie made the cover! If you are a crafter and would like to check out the magazine, it is available for download. If you click the photo it will take you to the website. If you would like to purchase patterns, you can do that too!

Kem is modeling ZOOM! a toddler pullover: http://viewer.zmags.com/publication/54aa68e3#/54aa68e3/86

I am modeling several pieces -
In the Clover socks: I have been meaning to finish some socks, and I think these are beautiful to make after completing a simple sock pattern! http://viewer.zmags.com/publication/54aa68e3#/54aa68e3/40
Autumn Leaves Cowl and Hat: This will be a late fall knit for sure! It was so comfy! http://viewer.zmags.com/publication/54aa68e3#/54aa68e3/42
De-Lovely Wrist warmers: I am not a big fan of fingerless gloves, but these were tres' chic! http://viewer.zmags.com/publication/54aa68e3#/54aa68e3/46


I hope the magazine continues grow in viewers - they are doing a great job! Thanks Jaala for such a wonderful opportunity!

Blessings!
Lina

Meditation Monday - Being of Value

I am a scientist by both trade and nature. It is natural for me to think of things in terms of hypotheses and experiments, lol -- seriously. So when this weekend rolled around and I began thinking of content to add to the blog, I started to become sad a bit .. Here are some of my thoughts, if you can believe it..

" What do I have to say?"
" Oh shoot, I dont know why I'm trying to start a blog... who the heck is gonna read it??"
" I barely even have time for myself, much less ANOTHER thing I want to put my hands to"
" WHO AM I to even HAVE A BLOG? I dont even know where to start or how to go about creating content?"

This is the kind of chatter that I was giving to myself. I know YOU may have a few moments when you talk to yourself like this, but my negative statements really were rattling me this time.. I can usually beat them down pretty well with some positive banter and a quick delve into one or two things to quiet that audience, but something else always seems to rear its nasty head and I have a new conversation.

Well no more. The negative banter and naysaying audience is exiting the room TODAY and NOW.

Affirmation: I am much more valuable than I can ever imagine or think. My contributions to this world are positive and will not be forgotten. I AM an ORIGINAL and no one else CAN BE ME but ME!

I am conducting a bit of a social experiment. I do all the cooking in our home, and hubby and I have been having a "caucus" of sorts about incomes, work schedules, and making things more streamlined for the financial goals we have. Well, this involves some changes that I need to make (read: look for a job that makes more than you make now). What is underneath the iceberg however, are all the contributions at home that I do silently that will being to wane as I work more hours (cooking and/or preparation being first on the list)

And so my experiment begins: " Honey, I want to do something different, now that we'll both be working soon. I think you should cook one night a week. Is that something you can manage?" 'Sure', my hubby says with a smirk. " I was thinking that Friday or Saturday night you could make dinner for the family. What do you think?" " Sounds fine to me", he quipped.

Ok, so I'm assuming you are wondering where is the issue? Here it is..

Friday night comes, and I ask him if he wants anything specific to eat for dinner, because its "on his terms". He says, "Nope, I'm not picky at all.." Okay. It somewhat sounds like he thinks I'm cooking, but I will assume he was listening yesterday and that he has an idea of what he wants to do. NOT. Friday night rolls through and I make some tea. I guess I am having a light supper.. "Hun, is there anything to eat?" he asks.. After three ujayi breaths (for you yogis out there) I say, "I thought you were making dinner sweetie, I didnt prepare anything except Kem's dinner for bedtime" ( a whole other blog post) " Oh ok. I think I'll just have something light", and proceeds to eat CEREAL and some fruit recently bought from the store.

Social experiment -- FAIL. Let's try Saturday. I let him know first thing in the morning that I am not cooking dinner, only prepping lunch and a quick breakfast. He agrees. After lunch he proceeds to eat 1/2 a watermelon and various other tasty fruits for the rest of the afternoon. He have several hours of raw snacking, which we totally don't mind, as it is perfect summer food..

I posit the dinner option.." Is there anything you think you want to make for dinner?" The response " I'm kinda full now. I'll see about that later". Less than 3 hours later, while in bed..
Hubby:" honey, are you hungry?"
Me: " A little, but I'll just make some tea"

Is it me or is SOMEONE avoiding this situation? Lol.
I said, " well since you didn't make dinner today, I will extend the option to Sunday because I have to go in this week (to work)".

Long story short, Sunday came and went, and my life partner still did not make anything for dinner. I mentioned what was in the freezer and refrigerators as an option. I'm sure you know by now what he ate -- CEREAL and fruit... of course.

You are probably wondering:
1) how much cereal do you keep in the house -- most of it is for the baby's snacks, but hubby tends to eat it all and then I end up buying more.

2) what does this have to do with today's meditation? Well, what I had been grappling with since the beginning of the weekend was that taking care of the home is NO SMALL FEAT. IT IS REALLY AN UNDERVALUED AND UNDERAPPRECIATED POSITION.

If you are at home for any length of time, and are not injured or unable to get around, you find yourself busy attempting to put things in its place when you are there for a while. If you have a toddler, its even harder to keep order. So for someone who has been home part-time for most of the past 15 months caring for a baby, cooking, keeping the house relatively clean and presentable with no family support and sporadic daycare options.. The negative chatter was eating me alive!!!!

I was starting to feel like a huge milk machine with laundering and sanitizing capabilities-

Never mind that I am still taking classes part-time at school, working from home, and started a business all in between this 15 month period!!???!!!?

This situation helped me realize that instead of allowing my anger to buildup and eventually bubble over into the other things I am already responsible for on a daily basis, that I will quell the negative banter NOW with an affirmation, some exercise (which I did on Fri, Sat, and Sun.) and a peaceful mind. All this has to come before I talk to hubby about "the experiment".

It also showed me (and maybe him as well) that I am much more valuable in my contributions to the home and that the time and forethought required to prepare healthy meals, have Kem giggly and happy, and still be able to step into the house without stubbing a toe on a Lego or stepping on mashed fruit remnants and tripping over the laundry IS A BLESSING.

You are a Blessing. If No One Told You that Today, Let me BE the first. I find you to be priceless and valuable to this world. There is something that you can do to make your mark . Swallow the fear, shut up the negativity and do it anyway. Yes it will be a process at times, but know that you are appreciated and it will be evident in your life very soon. Think of the emails, voicemails, or messages that you received in the last 7 days that complimented or thanked you. You are a sweet smelling flower - a beautiful clear sky in someone's day.

Be blessed and Joyful Today!
Lina