Lately I have been waking up daily around 3am for "no apparent reason". Well, not exactly. One apparent reason is Kem fussing at 2:30am for some water or to be changed, particularly during the more humid evenings. But even after I do that, I have trouble going back to sleep. Its as if my inner clock is saying "rise and shine beautiful!" But I am SO not wanting to listen to that voice! I end up willing myself back to sleep, tossing and turning for several hours until about 6am, when the real sleepiness kicks in but everyone else is starting to stir...
So I've decided to start listening to my inner voice more often. Many times when I have that type of insomnia, its because there is something that needs to get done that was overlooked the day before. I am not talking about laundry, dishes, or vacuuming -- for me sleep is more important, lol! But when I am stressed about school, my etsy, or some other creative endeavor (even this BLOG) I feel a strong sense of unrest throughout the day that I am able to beat into submission by doing other things.. some of which are time wasters anyway... So - the last week and a half I have been getting up and asking myself, "What can I do to give my soul peace at this moment?" Sometimes its a candlelit prayer, some stretching, and a light oil massage of my legs feet, arms, abdomen, and scalp, Other times it was completion of some email correspondence or other school task that I had decided to put off. This past Tuesday, it was to apply for a particular position at my school - I met the criteria for the job, but had been fearing applying, because frankly, I HATE REJECTION letters. I don't actually mind constructive criticism, but I dont like rejection and thats something I am working on...
These things were not nagging me throughout the day.. It is a matter of priority and these were not high on the list when I considered them with the other duties. But somehow my inner voice said otherwise and told me that I would not have a sense of rest (and sometimes accomplishment) if I did not do these tasks. This feeling is not a random "ok, I'm up, now what?" Particularly because I tend to have dreams and visions regularly. At times I will be dreaming of something totally different, and out of the blue, I wake up - and an image of the "to-do item" or a phrase of the task is whispered to me. As I near completion of the work, ironically, I begin have feelings of sleepiness. By the time I get to the bed, I feel very serene. Usually hubby doesn't even know I have left the room. Most of the posts I have submitted here were written this way.
I write this post not to be new-age or odd in any way. But there is something to be said for listening to yourself when it truly matters. SO many times we are doing so much that we don't listen to what we really need. Often the most mundane things need to be done, yes.. but then there are things that require risk, time, thinking out of the box, sharing thoughts and ideas you prefer to keep to yourself... Sometimes your inner voice is telling you to take action and you refuse.
I know I do. And the spirit seeks to chat in other ways....for me - its in my dreams and sleepy time.. when I am most aware and receptive to change, lol!
For you, there may be other opportunities that the inner voice seeks to inspire, embolden, remind, and encourage:
- commuting to work
- while doing light reading, listening to a radio or book on CD
- at work/school, sometimes during a class or meeting-- you get a silent aha moment (yes, it happens there too!)
- in the hospital
- in the middle of the night, or during a quiet/ reflective moment when there is no one around to talk you out of it
- many more ways that I have yet to experience (but perhaps you have!)
Today's Thoughts:
When does your inner voice seek conversation?
Do you listen?( I am talking of constructive and change-inducing feedback - not negative self-banter)
If you ignore/obey it, how do you feel afterward?
Listen to your inner voice today and see if you have a budding new sense of peace and freedom. Yes it may be scary, but that is better than being safe in what is known, yet unhappy and unfulfilled.
With a hug and a smile,
Lina
