Meditation Monday - Being of Value

I am a scientist by both trade and nature. It is natural for me to think of things in terms of hypotheses and experiments, lol -- seriously. So when this weekend rolled around and I began thinking of content to add to the blog, I started to become sad a bit .. Here are some of my thoughts, if you can believe it..

" What do I have to say?"
" Oh shoot, I dont know why I'm trying to start a blog... who the heck is gonna read it??"
" I barely even have time for myself, much less ANOTHER thing I want to put my hands to"
" WHO AM I to even HAVE A BLOG? I dont even know where to start or how to go about creating content?"

This is the kind of chatter that I was giving to myself. I know YOU may have a few moments when you talk to yourself like this, but my negative statements really were rattling me this time.. I can usually beat them down pretty well with some positive banter and a quick delve into one or two things to quiet that audience, but something else always seems to rear its nasty head and I have a new conversation.

Well no more. The negative banter and naysaying audience is exiting the room TODAY and NOW.

Affirmation: I am much more valuable than I can ever imagine or think. My contributions to this world are positive and will not be forgotten. I AM an ORIGINAL and no one else CAN BE ME but ME!

I am conducting a bit of a social experiment. I do all the cooking in our home, and hubby and I have been having a "caucus" of sorts about incomes, work schedules, and making things more streamlined for the financial goals we have. Well, this involves some changes that I need to make (read: look for a job that makes more than you make now). What is underneath the iceberg however, are all the contributions at home that I do silently that will being to wane as I work more hours (cooking and/or preparation being first on the list)

And so my experiment begins: " Honey, I want to do something different, now that we'll both be working soon. I think you should cook one night a week. Is that something you can manage?" 'Sure', my hubby says with a smirk. " I was thinking that Friday or Saturday night you could make dinner for the family. What do you think?" " Sounds fine to me", he quipped.

Ok, so I'm assuming you are wondering where is the issue? Here it is..

Friday night comes, and I ask him if he wants anything specific to eat for dinner, because its "on his terms". He says, "Nope, I'm not picky at all.." Okay. It somewhat sounds like he thinks I'm cooking, but I will assume he was listening yesterday and that he has an idea of what he wants to do. NOT. Friday night rolls through and I make some tea. I guess I am having a light supper.. "Hun, is there anything to eat?" he asks.. After three ujayi breaths (for you yogis out there) I say, "I thought you were making dinner sweetie, I didnt prepare anything except Kem's dinner for bedtime" ( a whole other blog post) " Oh ok. I think I'll just have something light", and proceeds to eat CEREAL and some fruit recently bought from the store.

Social experiment -- FAIL. Let's try Saturday. I let him know first thing in the morning that I am not cooking dinner, only prepping lunch and a quick breakfast. He agrees. After lunch he proceeds to eat 1/2 a watermelon and various other tasty fruits for the rest of the afternoon. He have several hours of raw snacking, which we totally don't mind, as it is perfect summer food..

I posit the dinner option.." Is there anything you think you want to make for dinner?" The response " I'm kinda full now. I'll see about that later". Less than 3 hours later, while in bed..
Hubby:" honey, are you hungry?"
Me: " A little, but I'll just make some tea"

Is it me or is SOMEONE avoiding this situation? Lol.
I said, " well since you didn't make dinner today, I will extend the option to Sunday because I have to go in this week (to work)".

Long story short, Sunday came and went, and my life partner still did not make anything for dinner. I mentioned what was in the freezer and refrigerators as an option. I'm sure you know by now what he ate -- CEREAL and fruit... of course.

You are probably wondering:
1) how much cereal do you keep in the house -- most of it is for the baby's snacks, but hubby tends to eat it all and then I end up buying more.

2) what does this have to do with today's meditation? Well, what I had been grappling with since the beginning of the weekend was that taking care of the home is NO SMALL FEAT. IT IS REALLY AN UNDERVALUED AND UNDERAPPRECIATED POSITION.

If you are at home for any length of time, and are not injured or unable to get around, you find yourself busy attempting to put things in its place when you are there for a while. If you have a toddler, its even harder to keep order. So for someone who has been home part-time for most of the past 15 months caring for a baby, cooking, keeping the house relatively clean and presentable with no family support and sporadic daycare options.. The negative chatter was eating me alive!!!!

I was starting to feel like a huge milk machine with laundering and sanitizing capabilities-

Never mind that I am still taking classes part-time at school, working from home, and started a business all in between this 15 month period!!???!!!?

This situation helped me realize that instead of allowing my anger to buildup and eventually bubble over into the other things I am already responsible for on a daily basis, that I will quell the negative banter NOW with an affirmation, some exercise (which I did on Fri, Sat, and Sun.) and a peaceful mind. All this has to come before I talk to hubby about "the experiment".

It also showed me (and maybe him as well) that I am much more valuable in my contributions to the home and that the time and forethought required to prepare healthy meals, have Kem giggly and happy, and still be able to step into the house without stubbing a toe on a Lego or stepping on mashed fruit remnants and tripping over the laundry IS A BLESSING.

You are a Blessing. If No One Told You that Today, Let me BE the first. I find you to be priceless and valuable to this world. There is something that you can do to make your mark . Swallow the fear, shut up the negativity and do it anyway. Yes it will be a process at times, but know that you are appreciated and it will be evident in your life very soon. Think of the emails, voicemails, or messages that you received in the last 7 days that complimented or thanked you. You are a sweet smelling flower - a beautiful clear sky in someone's day.

Be blessed and Joyful Today!
Lina