Sanity Saturday : I still have my SANITY

I was so hoping that I could blog on a schedule... the ideas were really flowing the first week and I still did have content for meditation monday, but.. you know... life was throwing me a curveball and I was getting mad frustrated with the lack of control that I had over the events of this week.  I was also hoping to not have to blog on the weekends, but frankly, I feel like I would lose my mind if I didnt get up at 1am to write this post, so weekend blog entries should not surprise you in the future :)

My birthday was this week. I was really assuming hoping that my hubby would take the baby and allow me to have the day to myself. Its a key birthday age for me, in particular since I just had a baby and I was starting to feel like I had not accomplished all the things I said I would do in my twenties by the time I hit this special milestone age and/ or became a mom.  I had planned to be in Chicago, booked an appointment at a spa, and would go see Eat, Pray, Love at the theatre. Buy myself a big load of popcorn and sit there, cry, laugh and see myself in some section of the movie.  Take a walk, smell some flowers, think about life while meditating under a tree. The backup plan was to do a yoga retreat- find some little studio that had a workshop or something and do at least 2 classes in one day -- a morning class and an afternoon one.. or something exercise-related to that effect.

You have probably figured out at this point that my birthday did not go according to my dreams, wishes, or plans. Hubby had to drive to another city to take care of some things with our rental property and that ended up being a big sinkhole of  "mad"-ness -- just recently had to evict friends from our rental; they left the place in shambles, not to mention that we received a nuisance notice about the trash that they did not properly dispose of; oh, and of course, I forgot that 2 windows were broken (possibly a theft attempt) and our central air conditioning unit (secured to a slab of concrete) was STOLEN..And due to recent rain/flooding there is potential MOLD in the basement of the rental..

So what should have been a checkup became a ten-hour  workday; file police report, insurance claim, board up windows, get locks changed, clear the trash..  So Hubby was very tired when he got home.. everything was pushed back a day because he didnt get enough sleep, and of course he's doing the driving. Now baby is sniffling and has a runny nose, very irritable throughout the day, and refuses to eat anything other than fruit, milk, oatmeal, and crackers. it could be that he was overtired/teething/running a fever/just plain stubborn, but it wouldn't be life if that was clear, now would it?  So I just woke up for the 4th time since 9pm to clear baby's nose, feed him some milk (which he actually didnt want) and change his diaper. Seems calm now, but we'll see when an hour passes if that will hold up.

Meanwhile, hubby is exhausted and fast asleep and I am fuming and restless because "this is how I spent my birthday".... 

I know there is a God, because immediately after I had this crazy thought (among others) of just running away going for a drive in the middle of the night to see a 1am showing of some movie.... ANY movie..
the meditation emerged: You still have your sanity. A small percentage of people would have seen this as the straw that broke the camel's back in a haystack of life stressors and perhaps killed themselves, their families, or other bystanders that happened to be in the wrong place (nearby) at the wrong time. 

So I'm telling you, as someone who thought she would have (and can still have) a highly successful home business and academic career, stable and balanced home life, happy marriage, calm and intelligent baby, effective support circle, reliable friends and girlfriends, and still be foxy and together in her thirties... If you still have your sanity, there is hope. If you don't have your sanity right now, there still is hope.

William Dement (Newsweek, 1959) said that "Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives".  So some level of insanity is important in the creation of new ideas, inventions, and modifications to our current way of life. I am not completely bashing the idea of being "unconventional, radical or forward-thinking". I am talking about feeling the need to remove myself from the reality of life. The scary part is if one allows this to happen, would they know when its okay to come back to reality - or even know the way back?  I've probably been philosophizing about this for a little too long, but anyway, my purpose was to encourage you to:

Live in the present, despite your circumstances and current limitations. There are experiences that must be acquired in these moments that will support and nourish you when even worse stressors come. Take a breath, close your eyes, and think of the most calming and serene place you can imagine or remember. Go there for a moment and know that it is okay to take a pause. You are still blessed and needed by many. I know that there are moments when you feel empty and that there is nothing to give.  Use that moment to speak up for yourself and your sanity. It is important for you to be replenished and nourished. Not only do you deserve it, but the world would be a much better place if you received it.  The reality is that everyone has moments like these. And how you handle them is what will help propel your towards your dreams, or away from them.  With faith, hope and sanity, you CAN do and be what you desire to be in this world. 
Be encouraged by your strengths and motivated to change through your weaknesses. 



With a hug and a smile,
Lina